(clucking)
(squawking)
(crowing like a rooster)
(choking cough)
# It's a mad, mad, mad...
(car horn sounds repeatedly)
(tyres screech and horn blares)
(horn still blaring repeatedly)
Whoa!
Did you see the way he went sailing right out there?
- He just went sailing out there. - It was terrible. Just terrible.
- He must've been doin' over 80. - An ambulance. We oughta call one.
- Oh, look at that car! - He must've gone by you doin' 90mph.
I wasn't doing... He was passing me!
- I never saw such a crazy guy in my life! - Let's get down there!
- We're goin' down there. - Russell, remember your condition.
Achhh...!
Boy, the way he just sailed out there!
Look out, look out, look out, look out.
- There's nobody in the car! - Huh?
- What do you mean? - There he is!
Holy smoke!
- How about that? This guy is still alive. - Is he hurt?
Maybe we oughta call an ambulance.
I don't know how he survived, the way he went sailing right out there.
Look, I'm not a doctor, but I have some medical experience. I'm a dentist.
Do you think you're hurt... real bad?
Is he kiddin'?
Hold on. We'll get you to a hospital.
You move me, I'll break up in little pieces.
But what a deal!
Look, there's this dough, see?
There's all this dough! 350 Gs!
Do you hear what I'm sayin'?
350 Gs!
In the park, in Rosita. Rosita Beach State Park.
Just south of Dago in Santa Rosita.
It's in this box, buried under this...
(coughs)
...buried under this big W.
You'll see it! You'll see it under this...
...under this big W.
You can't miss it! A big...
...a big W!
And it's been there... it's been layin' there for 15 years!
- We oughta get him outta here. - He's very sick. He may die.
Listen. I tell ya I'm givin' it to ya.
And don't let 'em kid ya. Don't let 'em kid ya.
Don't let 'em give you the business, see? Because it was mine, and I paid for it.
Paid for every lousy buck of it! Ya hear?
But watch out. Watch out for the bulls.
Lousy, stinkin' bulls are everywhere.
Bulls all over the place.
You just drive down and dig it up.
Dig it all up! (coughs)
And then... And then you fix yourselves all up. Fix yourselves all up.
Walk down the street like a king, back to the old neighbourhood.
See the fellas, the dames...
The dames, all with a big hello...
...a big hello for old Smiler.
"Good old Smiler."
"Everybody's friend."
Everybody's...
- Aunt Belle, I didn't mean to do it! - Holy mackerel! Take it easy, mister.
Please! Please say it don't make any difference, Aunt Belle!
Please! You gotta say it!
You gotta tell me it don't make any difference!
For heaven's sake, tell him!
It... It don't make any difference.
That guy is dead. You better believe it.
Oh, I believe it. But if he jumps up again like he did before, I'm gettin' outta here.
- Boy, what a routine he went through. - Somebody oughta cover him up.
Don't look at me, pal. All I got is this sweater.
Never mind. I got a blanket in the truck.
- D'you think it was true, what he told us? - No, he was just ravin', man. He flipped.
Hey, this must be the police. You think we oughta tell 'em what he was talkin' about?
No. They'll ask us questions. We'll be here all day.
- We gotta be in Vegas this afternoon. - I got a van of furniture to get to Yuma.
My wife and I are on a second honeymoon and...
My wife is up there with her mother, and we're on our way to Lake Mead.
What's all the arguing about? We'll just clam up...
...and this way, we get outta here.
Uh, are you a police officer? I...
Yeah!
- How long ago did this happen? - About five minutes ago, Officer.
Did any of you actually see it happen?
- Well, uh, he passed me on a curve and... - Did anybody actually see it?
Well, he was passing me when he sailed right out there. Right up there.
- Who was the first down to him? - Well, we all... (all talk together)
Was he dead?
Was he already dead?
I said, was he already dead when you got down here?
Practically.
He was still alive? Did he say anything?
Did he say anything before he died?
- What about? - What do you mean, what about?!
Did he say anything or didn't he say anything?
Well...
- He... - He was raving, Officer.
- What about, raving? - He said... What he said was sort of...
- It was sort of... - Embarrassing.
What was? Come on, come on.
He thought that this fella was his aunt.
- His aunt? - Yeah, his Aunt Belle.
He must've had an aunt named Aunt Belle.
All right!
Did he make any kind of statement? Any last messages?
- He didn't make that clear, at all. - No, he didn't make anything clear.
- Look, Officer, can we get going? - Just a minute, just a minute.
I'd better get your details, just in case.
My wife and I don't know where we'll be...
I don't know if we can stick around. We're doin' Las Vegas.
We don't know how long we're gonna stay or...
I got this van of furniture. I gotta get to Yuma...
Be reasonable, Officer. We stopped to help the guy. We was too late.
- So let us get outta here, OK? - We've got our own lives to live.
- Like, we ain't had breakfast yet. - All right, take it easy.
I'm gonna have to get your name anyway.
Hold it.
Me?
- Why? - In case the coroner wants a statement.
J Russell Finch, 2790 Penrose Boulevard, Fresno.
I won't be home for a couple of weeks, but you can get me through my office.
- Where is your office? - The Pacific Edible Seaweed Company.
It's in Fresno. You can call me through my secretary.
- The ambulance is on its way. - On its way.
- Is he dead? - Yeah.
We'd better shift those cars from the curve.
I guess that's all we can get from this group. Thank you, gentlemen, very much.
Well...
There's an unexpected twist for you.
They're not gonna like this down at Santa Rosita.
- Culpeper's gonna scream. - Yeah.
- Say, we'd better get our story straight. - What story?
He woke up as usual. He started driving. He stopped at a place for breakfast.
He went to the gents. He climbed out the window.
So what? Not even Culpeper will say we should've been in there with him.
The thing that got me was the way he went sailing right out there.
If I have to climb much more, I'll be layin' down there with him.
Poor soul.
(all) Well...
Melville, what happened?
We couldn't do anything. Just nothing we could do. Come on.
(older woman) Well?
- It was a terrible thing. - Oh, Russell, I feel sick.
- Easy, honey. These things happen. - What kind of an attitude is that?
The whole country is full of people who, when these things happen...
...say "These things happen." That's why they happen!
- Let's try not to get upset. - Come on, Russell.
We gotta have control of what happens to us!
If we left it up to you, we'd never hear the last of it!
- (woman continues to rant) - (Russell) You're right, you're right.
And do you know what all those halfwit morons up in Sacramento do about it?
They just sit there, with their big feet up on their big desks...
...and milk 15 million people of as much graft as...
Listen. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've gotta say something.
- What's the matter, Melville? - I'm watching something.
Hey, Benjy, turn around. Sit still. Play it straight.
They can't kid me. They all went for it.
Yeah? So what are you gonna do now, huh?
I want you to tell me everything that man told you, word for word!
But do you think he really meant it?
Monica, I don't know about anybody else but some of 'em believed it...
...like those two back there.
Don't look over there!
I know where it is. It's under a big W, he said. Under a big W.
Like a windmill or a waterfall or something.
Ooh, I hope it's not under a waterfall.
Please, think of something that starts with a W.
Wealth.
Which.
Where. Work! That's it: Work. I gotta work on where it is.
Dr Carroll said Russell was to have no undue excitement...
...for two weeks because of his condition.
That's why we came on this trip - so Russell could just relax.
- He should have told the police. - What's the police got to do with it?
- Mother, they were chasing the man. - Why shouldn't they? He was speeding!
- I'm only thinking of Russell's condition. - His financial condition.
Because that's the only condition that he has.
Emmeline, do you know exactly why your husband had a nervous breakdown?
It's because he has sunk $40,000- including $15,000 of my money -
...into a company that makes seaweed for people to eat!
And not only does nobody like it, but it costs over $4 a can!
- Yeah, but... - Yeah, but what?
Most people like it, and I like it, and I'm workin' hard to keep the cost down.
Yeah, like the day that you ran out of your office and stood in the street screaming!
- Mother! - Emmeline, shut up!
- But, Mother... - And you too!
Maybe he was playing some kind of a trick on everybody.
- He might have been a practical joker. - Oh, Monica... Practical...
What kind of a man would play a practical joke on complete strangers...
...with every bone in his body broken?
- Watch! Watchtower! - No.
- Wall. Walnut tree! - No, no!
- Walnuts! - No!
- In bags. - No!
Why are we doing only 35? Step on it and see what happens!
- Mother. - They'll all see what we're doing.
- Go ahead. What have you got to lose? - Mother, he's not that good a driver.
Aha.
Aha!
Gonna leave the big boy behind, huh?
(tyres screech)
What are you doing? Why are we slowing down?
It's no use. We can't lose 'em this way.
Oh, the inside of my stomach...!
What's that idiot in the truck tryin' to do?
What is he doin' back there?
I bet he's runnin' out of gas. Good!
- What happened to you? - Havin' trouble with your engine?
- What'd you do, run out of gas? - Did ya bend your tailpipe?
Oh, no. It was just one of my tyres.
I thought... Aw, shucks.
OK, so I was tryin' to... Oh, rats.
Look, I think we're making a very big mistake.
- I absolutely agree. - So?
- It's silly, running around like this. - We're gettin' nowhere.
He's right.
So why don't we just discuss this thing and reason something out calmly...
- I'm with you. - Fine.
...and we can come to some conclusion.
- Yeah, let's do that. - (car horn)
Yeah. That way nobody'll have an advantage on one another. It's fair.
- We better get the cars off that curve. - Yeah. Let's talk over there.
- OK. - Fine. See you over there.
Over there. Over there.
You're through to Homicide.
Santa Rosita Police Station.
Detective Division? I'm connecting you now.
Santa Rosita Police Station.
Detective Division. Matthews.
No, Sheriff, the chief isn't here. He's a little late this morning.
- So I'll stay late after school. Who is it? - Sheriff, Crockett County.
Oh? That's where the Smiler is. I wonder if anything happened.
Gertie, will you put that call through here?
How about a little coffee, Schwartz?
Hello, Sheriff? Culpeper.
- Did he make a break? What happened? - Afraid we got some bad news for you.
- Grogan's cashed in his chips. - He what?!
Crashed his car about 20 minutes ago.
He was makin' a break, all right.
Well, how did it happen? Where did it happen?
On 39, about 18 miles east of Danby Junction...
... and 9 miles west of Valley Center.
Were there any witnesses?
A few people went down to see if they could help.
- Was he killed outright? - I don't know, but I can find out.
Yeah, do that. See what they said.
Thanks very much, Sheriff.
Well, a great way to start the day.
You wait for 15 years to solve a really important case, and just when you get...
It's all right, Chief. I'll get it for you.
He did it again.
(heehaws)
(Culpeper) Get that fella's number!
Get that fella's number! Get his number!
(siren)
(police radio) ltem: One large furniture van. Item: One red Volkswagen...
- It's them. - Call it in.
2-1-6-2, 2-1-5-8. Say, we just made all four of 'em parked along the side of the road.
They're just standing there talking. Over.
(Sheriff) Sammy, let that ambulance go. And stay by the radio.
The man said there was a certain amount of money buried in this park.
That's right. It was under a big W.
- Say, what is a big W? - If we find out, we'll send you a wire.
(Benjy guffaws)
It's only a possibility that this man was telling the truth.
And if it was the truth, then it is a fact that this place is almost 200 miles away.
I suggest that we quietly get into our cars...
...and drive down there at a safe, sound speed...
...keeping each other in sight of each other.
And when we get there, we dig up the money - if there is some money there -
...and if we do find it, we share it amongst us in a simple manner.
- He's got a point. - I think we should go to the police.
- Why the police? - It's OK. She's with us.
Now what's with this fair shares for everybody?
Look, ma'am. We arrived in four vehicles. We should split it up in four quarters.
Quarters? What are you talkin' about?
You three each get a quarter, and Benjy and I have to split a quarter?
- That's right. - What are you tryin' to pull?
- It seems fair to me. - Naturally it'd seem fair to you.
- It just cheats us, that's all! - $350,000 divided by four is...
- It's... 87,500 bucks. - Sure, that's what it is.
So you three would get 87,500 bucks and Benjy and I have to split it.
Five of us were at the wreck. We should split it five ways.
- He's right. We should split it five ways. - I'm perfectly willing to discuss five ways.
Five shares, each share would be 70,000...
70,000 bucks?! Holy mackerel!
Do you realise how many loads I'd have to haul from Modesto to Yuma to get that?
- You're overlooking one little thing. - Yeah.
- What little thing? - Yeah. What?
Can't you count? There were eight of us there!
- Yeah. There were eight of us there. - My wife and I would be happy with...
You'd be happy with two eighths instead of a quarter? How big of you.
Hold it. Let's just put it back the way it was before.
Either one quarter for each car, includin' the van, or one fifth for each guy.
- One quarter or one fifth. - Just because this old bag...
How dare you?!
Chief, we got a situation here that is absolutely incredible.
- Now, Smiler Grogan... Remember him? - Oh, yes.
Smiler Grogan spent the night here. See?
He made his break this morning, he drove up this way...
...got to here, where he crashed and killed himself.
But before he died, some people stopped to help him.
And they are now stopped here, talking.
I think they're arguing about something.
And a Crockett County unit has got 'em under observation.
Now, we give shares to everybody and for everything.
Now, there are eight of us. That's eight shares for that.
Then there were four vehicles. Four shares for that. That's 12 shares already.
Then five of us went down to the wreck. We give five shares for that.
So that makes it 17. Right?
Now we add the same number of shares as there were people in each vehicle.
That's three for your group, two for yours, two for us and one for you.
That adds up to 25 shares.
Now, 25 into 350,000 is... $14,000 per share.
Now, that would mean you would get three shares for being three people...
...one share for the car, one share for looking at the wreck...
...and three shares for being three people in the car...
...which would give you a total of eight shares, giving you $112,000.
And that covers everything - including the emancipation of women!
Wait a minute. As I understand it...
...I got one share for bein' one person, one share for goin' down the hill...
...one share for the truck, and one share for bein' a person in the truck.
But no matter how you figure it out, I still don't get as much as anybody else.
Look, let me explain it once more.
Their group, those three of them, they get 112,000. Right?
Those over there, them, they get 97,000.
We, us, we get 84,000.
And you, by yourself, you get $56,000... alone.
- And that's tax-free money. - What do you mean, tax-free?
I mean, if we go down to this park and we uncover the money and we...
I'm sure he's not gonna declare anything. I know he's not gonna declare anything.
And I'm not gonna declare...
What are you talkin' about, declare it?
I mean, it's like nontaxable income. It's like a... like a gift.
But sure, if we find the money, we still have to report the taxes.
Otherwise it's stealing from the government!
Oh, brother. Look, can you explain it to him, please?
Who, me? Well... see, if we find the money...
...there may be no taxes to pay on it, just because we did find the money.
- But what he was trying to say is... - Listen, everybody has to pay taxes.
Even businessmen that rob and steal and cheat from people every day.
Even they have to pay taxes.
I give up. Anybody got a fairer plan, go ahead.
There were eight of us there, so that simply means eight shares.
- Three for us, two for you... - Aw, this is hopeless!
We're gonna get noplace listening to this old bag.
Lady, are you tryin' to split us up so it becomes every man for himself?
- And every woman for himself? - One more remark from you, buster...
- Let's get outta here. - Please don't argue.
Look! We figured it 17 different ways. And every time, it was no good.
Because, no matter how we figured it, somebody didn't like how we did it.
So now there's only one way to figure it, and that is...
...every man - including the old bag - for himself!
So good luck, and may the best man win!
Right! Except you, lady. May you just... drop dead!
All right. We all agree on that.
Now let's be sensible about this thing.
There's money in this for all of us. Right?
There's enough for you, there's enough for you...
...and for me, and for you, and there's enough for...
Ooh, Melville, my shoe!
Get in the car!
2-1-5-8, 2-1-6-2. Four cars under observation now passing this checkpoint.
Lead car is the Plymouth station wagon. Next, the Ford van...
... the VWand the Chrysler lmperial convertible, all doing about 50.
- Yep. They're on their way. - (Culpeper) Going in the same direction?
That's right. And, according to my boys, they're all on reckless drivin' charges.
None of those people must suspect for a minute that anybody is interested in them.
Sheriff, will you call Captain Hardesty and see how many helicopters we can have?
Well, I'll see what we can do and I'll call you back.
Now, where have I always told you that the Smiler hid the dough?
- I know, I know. - Where?
Right there.
That's right, yeah.
So, if these merrymakers decide to go for it...
...they'll go to the crossroads and turn south.
But why did Smiler head east when he made his break...
...if the money is down here somewhere? - Oh... Aloysius!
The guy was just bein' clever.
Five'll get you ten: They go to the crossroads and turn south.
You got yourself a bet.
Mount Shasta National Forest. Are we near...
That's on the top. Look down near the bottom.
- Are we near Oregon? - That's 700 miles from here!
Don't pass him, Ding!
Ding, you're gonna lose your licence.
We're the ones with the Imperial and we're running last?
I can't pass 'em on the curves.
Oh, go on. Go ahead. Look, there's a space.
What are you waitin' for - an engraved invitation?
(Finch) Get over! Get over!
(tyres screech)
(car horn)
I said it before and I'll say it again:
I didn't wanna move to California.
- Did you find it yet? - I can't find it anywhere.
Look, you take the wheel. Give me the map.
It must be here. Right over here! Valley Center! There's an airfield marked...
Melville!
- Pull it off! - Get it off me!
(Benjy) Don't go in there! Swing over! Watch out!
- Take it off! - Get it off!
I've had enough!
- They'll hire planes. - Never mind. Let's go.
- But they'll be there hours before... - I said never mind! Let's go!
Nobody's gettin' me up in the air.
(crash, bang, shatter)
I wanted to give 'em reasonable shares. No. They wanted every man for himself.
Now I'll show 'em what kind of a man they're dealing with.
(bang)
It's stalled, Benjy. We got dust in the carburettor.
(engine fails)
Boy! When the people who own this stuff see this, I sure hate to think what...
Never mind, never mind.
Here's the bike. Get to a phone and hire the best car that you can find.
But... this is a girl's bike!
This is for a little girl!
I've got to put all this stuff back and lock up the van.
We'll put everything away. Will you please hurry?
OK.
I gotta admit...
...I feel kinda silly.
You know what I mean?
Well, will you take us or won't you?
- For $250, I guess I will. - Good. Then you take care of the plane.
We'll leave our car here and get it tomorrow. I'll give you a cheque.
- Cheque? - A traveller's cheque. Bank of America.
- Oh, boy. - Hey!
- Are you a pilot? Is there a plane around? - Right both times.
- Where's an airplane? I don't see any. - There's only one, and we've chartered it.
- You made a deal with them? - Right.
Is there anywhere we can charter another plane?
- The nearest place is in North Valley. - Where's that?
On the other side of Valley Center, about 12 miles, 15 miles. Excuse us.
Filibuster! Filibuster!
Stick around and watch us take off.
Listen, dentist. I hate dentists.
I hate you so much that I'm not able to tell you how much in front of your wife.
- And vice versa! - Why, you...!
- (Benjy screams) - Come on over here! Come on over here!
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Had an accident?
- Anyone hurt? - No, but we've got to get to a phone.
- Can you give us a lift? - A lift?
Of course! I should be absolutely delighted!
Oh, upsy-daisy. I'm afraid you caught me on the hop there.
- Madam, do be careful of the cactus... - Oh!
I say, I'm most frightfully sorry.
You see, I've been gathering some samples of desert flora.
- Where shall I put this? - (sniggers) Oh, boy.
- Good morning. Good morning. - Morning.
It certainly is. Look, we've got to get to a phone.
Of course. With pleasure.
I say, jolly nasty accident there. Jolly lucky nobody was hurt.
Where did you get that funny accent? Are you from Harvard?
Harvard? Oh, rather not. I'm English.
- Sounds so foreign. - Really?
Oh, we haven't introduced ourselves. I'm Algernon Hawthorne. Colonel.
- You're a colonel? - Well, lieutenant colonel, actually.
My name is Finch. This is my wife and this is my mother-in-law, Mrs Marcus.
Oh, do stuff those things in the back, will you?
Cactus is rather a hobby of mine.
Spent the last ten days gathering some for my collection.
Nothing spectacular, actually.
Cereus, Echinocactus, Opuntia, and that sort of thing.
Been enjoying a spot of leave from Vandenberg.
- From what? - Vandenberg. The missile place.
Been attached there for the last ten months. Liaison work.
All very hush-hush and whoosh-whoosh.
That sort of thing, you know.
Please, will you look at the road?
Yes. Whoosh-whoosh.
- Don't stop! Keep moving! - Mother!
- Shouldn't we stop... - He's the lout that ran into us!
Keep moving!
Melville, I just won't fly in this old... Listen to it!
Just look at how it's shuddering!
Can't we just go on with our second honeymoon and forget all about this?
Honey, please. Darling, believe me, everything is all right.
You think I'd take a chance with you?
If there was any danger in flying in this... This is a plane that's really built...
Look, when was this plane built?
- 1916. - 1916.
1916. I mean, these planes are tried and true.
There's nothing experimental about these planes.
So come on! Let's have one big adventure!
Come on! Get up there and have some fun! Come on, here we go.
(engine splutters into action)
But haven't you got another car that we... What?
Oh, all right. Thanks.
Are you sure you can't rent us that truck out there? I'll pay.
I told you, mister. We can't. This is our first week open.
How could we do without our truck? We're in business.
If we tell the Englishman about...
How can you admit we're involved in anything so hideous?
- He'll say he's entitled to a share! - He would be if he drove us there.
And if we don't tell him all about it, he won't drive us there.
Oh, you're such a genius.
Listen! Only ten per cent! There's no reason why he should expect any more!
Thanks for stoppin'. Listen, can you give me a lift?
What's with the little kiddy bicycle? Are you some kind of a nut?
No. I had an accident. Look, I gotta get to Santa Rosita fast.
- I can't help you. I'm turning off soon. - Wait a minute. Let me just think.
I gotta tell somebody. Look, can you spare a couple of hours?
Couple of hours? You've been out in the sun too long. You're startin' to crack up.
No, wait a minute. Listen. Just hear me out.
Now, what I'm gonna tell ya, you just ain't gonna believe it coulda happened.
But there was an accident a little while back, about 20 miles back.
It involved $350,000.
Like I say, when I tell you this, you just ain't gonna believe it coulda happened.
Well... try me. I'm pretty gullible.
(engine falters)
What bothers me is this big W. Are you sure you told me all you know about it?
You don't know what that guy meant by the big W?
No, but none of 'em know. It's just who gets there and first.
Well, what do you say? Is it a deal?
Deal!
(starts engine)
Oh, you better get that bike outta there. Somebody might trip over it in the dark.
(tyre bursts)
(car horn)
Fellas, I'm glad you're here. Look, I need your help.
I had this blowout. The spare may be a little flat. Take a look at it, will you?
Is there an airport near here?
If the spare is flat, don't fix it. Gimme a new tyre.
Ain't got a new tyre? Then fix the spare. But don't look at me. Move it.
You can be gassin' up while he's workin'. What is it, a staring contest? Come on!
The pension in my grade...
...has not been up one red cent since 1934!
Now, Al...
...if the mayor will get behind a resolution...
But I can't put any pressure on the mayor.
You can. You can, Al! That's the whole point!
This case I'll have finished by tonight. It's one of the biggest cases we've ever had.
I want you to tell the mayor about it.
Tell him! Tell him the money is right here where I always said it was!
Right in this neighbourhood!
And tell him what credit is gonna be reflected upon the department!
Now, come on, Aloysius. Get in there and pitch a little for me, will ya?
Well, I can try.
Yeah. And he'll listen to ya.
And if he gets behind this, it'll pass unanimously.
Now, you know... you know, Al, I got it comin'.
Well, I'll do everything I can.
- You know that, don't you? - Yes.
Now, there's just one other little thing about... No, nothing. Vacation.
Once I get Smiler Grogan out of the way, my desk is clear.
I'd like to take a three-week vacation. Take Ginger on a real nice holiday.
- Is that all right with you? - Of course it's all right.
Thanks. I can hardly wait to tell her.
- And you won't forget about the mayor? - No, no. I'll do my best.
I promise you that.
Aloysius, I'll never forget you for this.
You know, Al, I got a feeling this morning that everything's comin' my way.
(AI chuckles)
Sylvester!
(scream)
- What on earth did you do that for? - Mummy!
Do you have to scare everybody out of their wits?
Why didn't I think? We've been running around like lunatics, and all the time...
Why didn't I think about Sylvester? He lives on Silver Strand Beach!
- Hey, I never thought of that. - Who on earth is Sylvester?
My son. Emmeline's brother. He's a lifeguard there.
I'm not at all certain that you haven't damaged this machine.
Oh, kid, don't polish it. This is one of a fleet of cars. Don't bother.
You did a good job. You boys have a drink on me. Keep the change.
- Will you let me get out of here now? - You!
Oh, no! It's that lunatic who escaped from the asylum last night!
Watch him! He's a homicidal maniac!
Get on the phone! Yell "mayday" on the phone!
Listen to me. I'm a psychiatrist. This man is insane.
I'm not your nurse. He has a hate complex. Calm down, calm down.
So, somebody'll stumble over the little girl's bicycle in the dark, huh?
Well, when I finish with you, they'll be stumbling over you in the dark!
Get on the phone. Get on the phone!
Look, I was clowning.
Sir, wait! You got this... Why don't you stop... Get some...
- I'll kill ya! I'll kill ya! - I'll buy you a new bicycle!
- Look, mister, you got this... - (growls)
Don't take it so... Will you stop...
Get out of... This is too much.
Look, gimme a break. He's crazy!
Ray!
Get outta here!
Stop that! Stop that! He's crazy!
Hey, very good. Quick thinkin'. I'm proud of you, kid.
Now tie him up and I'll have a couple of orderlies come by with a straitjacket.
- Very good. - I never saw anything.
Hey, how many people has he killed?
Don't be morbid. Just tie him up until the boys in the white jackets get here.
You did a real good job. Very good. Look me up. I'm in the book. Dr Zilman.
- Sir, we've just got to get to Santa Rosita. - This is a club. We don't do charter work.
Hey, whose plane is that over there?
It belongs to Tyler Fitzgerald. But he's not going anywhere today.
- Is he here? - Mr Fitzgerald's in the billiard room.
He's... asleep. Nobody can talk to him.
- Can we just ask him a question? - (phone rings)
No, you can't!
Hello. Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
Come on, Benjy. That must be Mr Fitzgerald over there!
- You can't disturb Mr Fitzgerald. - We just wanna talk to him.
- Let him rest, please. - Mr Fitzgerald.
- Shh. - Don't shush me. We wanna talk to him.
Just a moment. Wake up, please, Mr Fitzgerald.
- (snoring) - I think he's got a cold.
No, Mr Fitzgerald, listen. Please, sir.
We hate to disturb your sleep, but this is an emergency.
You have no right to crash in here.
(coughing)
- Oh, that's a head cold. - Mr Fitzgerald, listen.
You know Rosita Beach? You're the only one who can get us there.
- And it's a matter of life and death! - Yes, a matter of life and death!
- Our grandmother is dying. - Who's dying?
Our grandmother is dying and she sent for us.
Yeah. She's in Rosita Beach, see? She's dying, and we're up here...
...and she'd kinda like to have us be with her when she goes.
Otherwise, she won't go.
- Oh, she'll go, but... - Sorry, sir. They forced their way in.
No, we didn't. Let me introduce myself. I'm Dingy Bell. This is Benjy Benjamin.
- How do you do? - Oh, stop with that already!
Look, sir. We'd like for you to help us out by taking us down...
- What's the matter? - Wait a minute. Just a minute!
- Yes, I... I can't see. - What?
Something's happened to my eyes. I... I... I can't see.
- You can't see? He can't see. - Must be an eye cold.
- George... George, I can't see! - One minute, Mr Fitzgerald.
I can't see! George... George, I...
Aaarghhh!
Mr Fitzgerald!
We wanna make sure he doesn't get loose.
I'll kill that dirty, rotten bum when I get my hands on him.
What's the matter? How come I'm all tied up like this?
- Just sit there. Everything'll be all right. - Friends will come and take care of you.
What friends? What are you talkin' about?
- Get this stuff off me. Turn me loose. - Take it easy, pal. You've been sick.
Who's been sick? And where's that bum with the glasses, huh?
Now just sit still because the doctor's gone to get help.
What doctor? I don't know no doctor. Are you guys crazy?
I'm warnin' you, get this stuff off me. Understand? Get this stuff off me!
- Watch him. Ray, watch him! - I'm warning you...
I'm gonna have to hit you again!
Ow! Argh!
(lrwin) My arm! You broke my arm!
(grunts)
Now, fellas, you keep this up, and I'm gonna get sore.
OK. If that's the way you want it, that's the way you're gonna get it.
Oh! Put me down!
I'll kill ya!
- Help! - He's ruinin' our place!